It got better

Today was not a good day.  In retrospect, neither was yesterday.  I was super crabby both days, which we all know means crabby kids.  I'll admit I lost my cool a few times with Micah over silly things.  This led to guilt, more stress piled on top of sleepiness, crying boy cuz mommy is upset, J not sleeping right, etc.  Anyway I just want those of you who keep telling me I'm such a good mom to know that sometimes I'm not.  Sometimes I yell, sometimes I have to go to another room and flail my arms because there's no other way to get out the frustration, and sometimes I cry in front of my kids. 

On days when I'm not sleepy and my blood sugar is balanced nicely then I can handle two kids.  I can patiently explain why it's bad manners to stick your finger in your nose or stay calm when for the 31st time in a month Micah has cried because I had to turn off his video to put him down for his nap.  If those two things are not at the right levels I'm a different person.  I can't handle the load, guilt for all the things I believe I'm doing wrong rises to the surface, my to do list suddenly is overwhelming. 

Example, my darling husband comes home almost every day for lunch.  Well today as I mentioned I was in a very bad mood.  I then felt guilty for being in a bad mood while he was home which led to tears because I didn't have any homemade purees in the house for Jacob.  Justin in his ever patient way told me that it's ok to use store bought baby food on bad days.  That I don't need to stress about that, of all things.  Then he went back to work.

I took his advice, (as I always should) and fed Jacob a jar of baby food.  I then put Micah to bed, soon after put Jacob to bed.  Was blessed by God for a 20 minute nap before J woke up and suddenly everything was better.  The whole rest of the day was changed.

Thank you God for my patient, caring, genious of a husband.  Without him I truly would not be able to function.  Thank you that I have been allowed to be married to him for 6 years.  Please please please let us be married for 50 more.  I don't want to be with anyone else but him.  Thank you for getting us all through the day and please give me wisdom to do it better tomorrow.  I love you, Amen.